ental illness is a subject that lays on the outskirts of American culture. Although many people within our society suffer from mental illness, very few of us understand it. It is still very much a taboo. In my family, for example, cousins Karen and Raylissa were just called "crazy." I heard about their antics and irrational behavior every once and a while, but other than that their condition wasn't discussed. Last year I finally asked my aunt what their diagnoses were. Only then did I hear the proper names of their diseases, Manic Depression and Paranoid Personality Disorder (although certain doctors believe she has Schizophrenia). My 15-year-old brother was also labeled. He was "lazy" at home and "slow" at school, until a breakdown landed him in a mental hospital, diagnosed with depression.

In an attempt to understand mental illness better, I chose to photograph at a psychiatric center to fulfill a project requirement for my photojournalism class. I told my roommate I would be photographing a schizophrenic man. She warned me, "You better be careful. That means he has multiple personalities." On my first trip, a nurse asked, "Do you know what schizophrenia is? I replied, "It's multiple personalities, isn't it? (She had to explain to me that it is a disease, which causes sensory delusions). A few weeks later my boyfriend admitted to me that he hated the fact that I went there. He thought 1 was going to get killed.

Our society has a stereotypical way of portraying people with psychiatric disorders in books, television and films. I was as guilty as anyone else. Although people are becoming more aware of what mental illness is, attitudes still linger. There is the drug addicted street bums who don't want a job. The beautiful women who act so irrational yet seem so "inspired and enigmatic." The misunderstood teen . The abused child who grows up and all of the sudden discover she has 16 personalities. And the maximum-security hospitals where shock therapy is standard. The facts do not support these stereotypes but they are constantly reinforced in popular culture, which deals with it on a superficial level. Shortly after beginning my project, I realized how unaware I was of the reality the disease. Now most of the homeless people I see everyday look different to me. I am able to recognize from their posture, eyes and nervous habits the signs of mental illness.

My proposal for The Alexia Competition is to further understanding of a subset of our American culture by examining a group within it who are misunderstood. I truly believe that in order for people to come to terms with mental illness, they need to learn about it, not only from words but also from images that will challenge their previously held ideas about the disease. In my research, I found only one long term American photographic essay dealing with mental illness and it is now 25 years old. This is not enough. There have been incredible breakthroughs in treating the disease through drugs that can control brain chemistry. In addition, contemporary life at psychiatric facilities is very different now. There are many levels of treatment and a greater prognosis for rehabilitation.

I have been volunteering and photographing residents who live in the "out patient" dormitory at the Buffalo Psychiatric Center for a year. It took a while for me to gain clearance to the facility because of the red tape. During my work, I have come to know the residents very well and have made many friends. These friendships have helped guide me through their world. I would like to continue my photographic efforts at the center but expand the study to include other residents whose level of illness ranges from complete hospitalization to independent living with required attendance at the center during rehabilitation programs.

I am confident I can complete my project since much of the groundwork has already been laid. If I were to receive the Alexia Scholarship, I could begin the project immediately.